Friday Night!

Dear FNBs,

We're toasting the youthful, beautiful, but effeminate god of wine this Friday (yep, Da) at The Bacchus, in High Bridge. Also known as Dionysus, the baby deity was saved from the flames by Zeus, who sewed him up in his thigh (another Da reference). Jimmy Henderson has promised to stroll into The Bacchus at 8.30pm precisely, his naked torso smeared in the after-birth of a gazelle and smoking a cheroot composed of £50 notes. Pelaw Jim will unveil his newly illustrated genitalia, Big Dave has a steel-enforced gusset in his Y-fronts and Paul will be pleasant. Grahame, however, may not appear, due to an over-indulgence in the snuff department, brought on by the demise of his fortnight's school holiday.

See ya there!
Clark Kelly.